his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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