I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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