it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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