I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize