so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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