If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize