her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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