I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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