garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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