Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize