someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize