there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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