I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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