So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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