Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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