im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't deserve a penis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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