i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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