I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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