i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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