I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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