So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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