By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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