I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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