I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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