grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize