Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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