please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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