well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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