Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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