just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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