I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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