This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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