Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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