Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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