Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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