Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
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Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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