So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
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Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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