see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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