i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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