Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize