i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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