where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize