i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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