How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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