hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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