I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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