if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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