i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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