i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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