I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
whose parrot is this?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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